Now, because they were actually speaking to me, it made sense and didn't come across conceited (at least it didn't in my brain). They allowed me to explain why I felt that way and I like to think they understood. So, here are the top three reasons as to why I am so damn confident.
3. I am freaking AMAZING!
In life, I don't have very many friends and I am okay with that. My friends are like extended family created by Go and sent directly to me. If you tell me you need me, I am there. If you don't have money, I will give you mine knowing I may not be able to make rent. If you are sick, I will nurse you back to health. Anything you need, I got you. All I ask is that if your needs get me arrested, you bail my newly broke ass out. In all seriousness, I give all and put all I have into every relationship I have.
2. My bubble is a bully free bubble.
Years and years and years ago, I was teased. I can barely remember a point in my life when I didn't think I was fat, ugly, or unlovable. I sailed past my peers in height and weight, which led to me being the odd ball. To make matters much worse, I didn't have any of the conventional beauty that was in back in the 90s. To take it even further, I berated myself. I would starve myself, purposefully inflict pain upon my body, and then take joy in the fact that I lost 10 pounds. So while my peers were yelling "Jolly Green Giant" and "Boomshika," my head was a much more damaging place to be. I would run around the lake at our first house in Arizona wondering, "Why don't you just jump in and drown yourself? It's supposed to be a peaceful way to die." Or I would eat with my mom and her husband, then run upstairs to throw up before eating more. During my last year in college, I intentionally began to look for beauty in the women around me. I made it a point to compliment women if I liked something about their hair, clothing, etc. The more I did that, the more I was able to pick out things about myself that I found beautiful. Slowly, I began to like my smile, my hair, my shape...everything. Some days it's harder than others. Some months are insanely harder than others. The year after my second daughter was born was the worst and possibly lowest point in my life. Had there not been two little people dependent upon me for survival and happiness, I'm not sure what would have become of me. That's when I began taking Zoloft (an antidepressant for those who don't know). Life became brighter, but there are still some days where I can be my worst enemy. Yesterday, I had to stop and say, "You need to eat. Stop focusing on the fit of your pants and eat." I do my best to ensure I am no longer hurting myself by setting unattainable goals. I do my best to love me.
1. God told me I am beautiful.
Now, I'm not going to get all preachy and start shoving my faith down your throat, however, please understand that my number one reason for my confidence is deeply rooted in my faith. As a young child, John 3:16 was one of my first memorized bible verses. As I grew older, I grew apart from organized religion. Shortly after the birth of my first daughter, I found a church I felt at home in and began going there regularly. This was a huge turning point in my life because I had so many questions. At the time, my main one was, "Why was this beautiful being given to me to protect?" Now, I could go one and on and on about why, but to make it short I was blessed. I needed my daughter to show how blessed and beautiful I truly was. Through her, I see me! When she was born and the nurses placed her on my stomach, my first words were, "She's so beautiful! That's means I'm beautiful, too!" That was a turning point for me. Through her, I see that God doesn't only bestow blessings onto skinny, beautiful people. He loves the world, he created man and then woman in his image and I am a woman in HIS world!
The more I dove into my faith, the more I feel it radiating through me. The smile on my face is brighter and my hips swing with a no care attitude as I walk down the sidewalk. I may be bigger than other women and taller than a good chunk of them, but I am beautiful. My Father has said so and no one can take that from me.
Now, back to the drive through and the song. If I were to tell a random person on the street that I want the man I'm with to be so enraptured with me that he hears trumpets when he sees my under garments (or whatever the lyrics to the song are), there is a good chance I will be laughed at. But, I deserve it a man to be that in love with me. Not only that, my daughters deserve it. Where does this insane amount of confidence come from? Well, I'm no Beyoncé or Kim Kardashian, but I know my worth. I am worth it.
Now go look in the mirror and tell yourself you are worth it, too.
Tweets by @JackieMichele
