Shame...just shame

I won't pretend I'm perfect. Lord knows I am truly not. In my childhood years, I did and said a many things my own mother would be shocked to the core by. Outlandish, ignorant, racist things. However, looking back, I was not even 10 years old. I won't blame the times or location for my ignorance. 

I was simply ignorant, but hat ignorance was not who I became. 

My mother worked hard to make sure my brother and I were properly educated. A woman who instilled a can-do attitude and morals and values in her children is an accomplishment of which she can be proud. 

But, I still feel shame for the things I did as an ignorant child just I feel shame for the events unfolding in Chicago. 

Last night, I attempted to sit down and watch the Facebook Live video (it has been removed from Facebook but you can see it on YouTube here). Tears flooded my eyes and my heart tightened in my chest. So many feelings flooded through my body. Disgust being at the top. I felt sickened by the disgust of knowing that parents out there were not doing their jobs. I felt disgust that we have young adults in this country who laugh at this behavior. I felt disgust that more of the viewers of that Facebook Live video did not speak out while this was happening. 
All of this left me feeling thoroughly nauseated. I could only tolerate less than five minutes of the video. After that point, the mom in me broke down. This young man sat suffering endlessly while his panic stricken parents waited and hoped. It's possible he sat there not understanding why this was happening to him.  It's possible he sat there wondering why.  What did he do to deserve this?
It could have been my child. 
It could have been your child. 
It could have been any one's child or loved one who was kicked, hit, cut, etc. My tears streamed down my cheeks knowing that no matter how horrible a crime this is, the restitution won't be enough. As I cried, I knew that these thoughts and behaviors didn't just pop up when they turned 18. I cried for the victim. 

I weep for the future of this country. Tweets by @JackieMichele

What should I teach my daughter?

My daughter (according to her teachers) is well behaved, respectful of others, and enjoys talking.  Now, that last part is not a shock.  But what should I teach my daughter?  She already gets taught manners but is it enough?  Should I teach her about having disagreements with friends or should I explain what to do when people don't like you?  What about making new friends?  What should I teacher about that?  And it all came from this stupid meme and others like it that have trickled into my Facebook or Instagram feed!

I despise this meme!

I can teach my daughter respect all she wants, but will she be ready for the world and will the be ready for her?  Society is changing!  Children are having brawls, beating each other to death (story here: http://pix11.com/2016/04/06/teen-brutally-beaten-in-front-of-her-coney-island-apartment-dies-family-says/), and in some cases it's encouraged by adults.  The world wants me to prepare my child but I have no *expletive deleted* clue how to do this.  My baby, who I see as the most innocent loving being in my life, will be let loose upon this world that is no longer a reality a want to be a part of and I have no clue how to prepare her.  So I did what I could and talked.

I had a conversation with my daughter.  It was short, sweet and to the point.  Here it is (paraphrased except for the first part):

Dori, I will always love you.  No matter what you say or do, I will always love you.  I will not always love your words or your actions, but I will always love YOU.  Having said that, I need you to understand that in this world, there are going to be people who, for so reason, don't like you.  There may be people who, for some reason, you don't like.  No matter how they treat you, give them nothing but the kindness and respect you want to receive.  No matter what they say to you, I need you to know that you are beautiful, loving person who deserves kindness and respect.  No matter what they do, let the love of all the other people in your life give you strength to be the kind, respectful young lady I raised.

Yup.  I read that from a paper.

And then there was something that I wasn't prepared for.  The questions section.  I should have known but it always catches me off guard.

Dori:  Well, what if they are a bully?

Me:  It's still important that you treat them with kindness and respect.  If  someone is bullying you, then they need love and kindness in their lives more than ever.

Dori:  Well, what if they hit me?

*there was a long pause here*
Me:  Did you know that hitting someone is called assault and it is against the law?

Dori:  No.

Me:  If someone hits you, they are breaking the law.  If someone attacks you, they are breaking the law.  If this happens, you must get to a place where you are safe and then call the emergency number.  If someone is angry enough to hit you or hurt you,  do your best not to be near that person.  Always, always, ALWAYS tell a trusted adult about the problems you are having with your peers (Granny, Auntie, Uncles, Grammy, Papa, ME, your teachers, Pastor Dan, your SS teachers, etc.).  This way we can help you before the situation becomes really dangerous.

(Whew!  I thought I handled that one pretty well!)

Dori:  Mom...I love you.  Thank you for being the best!

This conversation ended with an exuberant hug from a 10-year-old who is almost eye to eye with her 5'10" mother.  In other words, it was quite like having a Great Dane bound up to you and try to jump into your arms.  If you are not ready for it, you will be knocked flat on your ass.  I loved every minute of that hug!

I hate this part of parenting.  Every time I have to give her these life lessons, I feel as though I am ripping part of a band-aid from her eyes.  Why?  Why do I have to prepare my child for the ugliness of the world?  Why can't we as adults work tirelessly to give a better world to our children?  I just don't get it.
Tweets by @JackieMichele