A letter to my first friend...

I haven't posted in a while due to hectic life situations, but it's also because I've been sitting on this particular post.  Sometimes I wonder my brother knows how proud I am.  I worry that he doesn't.  He and I took very different paths in life and I hope he realizes that though his path took him on a different journey, I am prouder (more proud?) than words can possibly every express.


Dear Brother,
Almost 34 years ago, I was welcomed into this world and introduced to you.  In that instant, you became my big brother.  My first friend.  I became your shadow and witness to some awesomely stupid things (like that one time you ran into a tree and knocked yourself out cold).  
As a big brother, you were my protector.  I still remember relying on you one cold morning in Chicago to protect me from a bully.  I knew even then that you were steadfast and true.  My big brother.  Even through our years of puberty when we were constantly at each other's throats, you were a leader.  Someone who would do everything so big and bright there was no way I could compete.  And I never wanted to.  I simply wanted to watch my big brother succeed.
Fast forward to our adult years, and here I am.  Yes, I teach.  Yes, I am mother to your two awesome nieces.  Yes, I am still watching from the sidelines while you shine bigger and brighter with every passing year.  
And my heart swells with pride.  I am proud of my first friend, my leader.  I am proud of my big brother.  I apologize if I don't say it enough, but I am.  Each and every day you walk headfirst into hurricane winds pushing you back.  You strive to ignore the tiny whispers that might deter you from your goal.  You stride toward your own definition of success with your Artist's flag flying proudly.  For that, I am proud.  

Love,
Your little sister Tweets by @JackieMichele

Telling It Like It Is Tuesday: Body Wars

**I posted this a while back (two years back) but find it just as meaningful as I did then!  So in honor of #TellingItLikeItIs Tuesday, here I go. :)

Today, some seemingly harmless memes were shared/liked and showed up in my Facebook feed.  As I shook my head in shock or despair, I wondered what would happen if I looked for more.  Well...here's what I found.

 

When did the body wars start?  Why was I not notified to take up arms and defend my extra rolls and curves?  Oh right...because I would then be ridiculous.  Kinda like the people who are trying to make themselves feel better by putting others down.  Well, I have one thing to say to the creators of these memes, "You are never going to feel better about yourself while you continue to put others down."

Beautiful women come in all shapes, sizes, and flavors.  You can have dark chocolate, peach, or cinnamon.   There is literally a smorgasbord of women to choose from.  While we only see one type portrayed in the media and would love for that to change, those of us living in reality know the truth.

Women can be skinny.

Women can be tall.

Women can be curvy.

Women can be short.

Women can be fluffy.

The list goes on.

What people fail to mention is that there is no one right way for women to be.  So whether you are an amazon like me (with a lot of extra fluff) or a midge like one of my besties who is seriously lacking in the fluff area (but is magically top heavy...go figure), I simply hope that you are healthy and love being in your skin.  There is no better body type.  There is only a great personality. 

(The best one I found.)

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What should I teach my daughter?

My daughter (according to her teachers) is well behaved, respectful of others, and enjoys talking.  Now, that last part is not a shock.  But what should I teach my daughter?  She already gets taught manners but is it enough?  Should I teach her about having disagreements with friends or should I explain what to do when people don't like you?  What about making new friends?  What should I teacher about that?  And it all came from this stupid meme and others like it that have trickled into my Facebook or Instagram feed!

I despise this meme!

I can teach my daughter respect all she wants, but will she be ready for the world and will the be ready for her?  Society is changing!  Children are having brawls, beating each other to death (story here: http://pix11.com/2016/04/06/teen-brutally-beaten-in-front-of-her-coney-island-apartment-dies-family-says/), and in some cases it's encouraged by adults.  The world wants me to prepare my child but I have no *expletive deleted* clue how to do this.  My baby, who I see as the most innocent loving being in my life, will be let loose upon this world that is no longer a reality a want to be a part of and I have no clue how to prepare her.  So I did what I could and talked.

I had a conversation with my daughter.  It was short, sweet and to the point.  Here it is (paraphrased except for the first part):

Dori, I will always love you.  No matter what you say or do, I will always love you.  I will not always love your words or your actions, but I will always love YOU.  Having said that, I need you to understand that in this world, there are going to be people who, for so reason, don't like you.  There may be people who, for some reason, you don't like.  No matter how they treat you, give them nothing but the kindness and respect you want to receive.  No matter what they say to you, I need you to know that you are beautiful, loving person who deserves kindness and respect.  No matter what they do, let the love of all the other people in your life give you strength to be the kind, respectful young lady I raised.

Yup.  I read that from a paper.

And then there was something that I wasn't prepared for.  The questions section.  I should have known but it always catches me off guard.

Dori:  Well, what if they are a bully?

Me:  It's still important that you treat them with kindness and respect.  If  someone is bullying you, then they need love and kindness in their lives more than ever.

Dori:  Well, what if they hit me?

*there was a long pause here*
Me:  Did you know that hitting someone is called assault and it is against the law?

Dori:  No.

Me:  If someone hits you, they are breaking the law.  If someone attacks you, they are breaking the law.  If this happens, you must get to a place where you are safe and then call the emergency number.  If someone is angry enough to hit you or hurt you,  do your best not to be near that person.  Always, always, ALWAYS tell a trusted adult about the problems you are having with your peers (Granny, Auntie, Uncles, Grammy, Papa, ME, your teachers, Pastor Dan, your SS teachers, etc.).  This way we can help you before the situation becomes really dangerous.

(Whew!  I thought I handled that one pretty well!)

Dori:  Mom...I love you.  Thank you for being the best!

This conversation ended with an exuberant hug from a 10-year-old who is almost eye to eye with her 5'10" mother.  In other words, it was quite like having a Great Dane bound up to you and try to jump into your arms.  If you are not ready for it, you will be knocked flat on your ass.  I loved every minute of that hug!

I hate this part of parenting.  Every time I have to give her these life lessons, I feel as though I am ripping part of a band-aid from her eyes.  Why?  Why do I have to prepare my child for the ugliness of the world?  Why can't we as adults work tirelessly to give a better world to our children?  I just don't get it.
Tweets by @JackieMichele

Lady Luck has nothing on me....

Dear Friends and Family,
It was suggested by someone this weekend that I was lucky in life.  This was someone I considered to be a friend.  Lest anyone else think I'm "lucky", I feel the need to set the record straight. 
You don't make a mess out of your life like I have and crawl back up and then give Lady Luck the credit.  My bachelors and two masters have nothing to do with luck.  It has ALOT to do with hard work and determination.  The fact that I have a roof over my head that is finally furnished the way that I want it to be has nothing to do with luck.  I worked 10+ years to be able to do this.  My children being happy and healthy have nothing to do with luck, but everything do with me trying to be the best mother I can be.  
So before you ever think about calling me lucky, don't.  You don't see the hard work, the drive and the determination it takes to be me.  You don't see the effort behind every step.  You don't hear the internal monologue I keep with myself as I push to keep going.  You most certainly don't get to see me break down when I think I can't go on.
So before you insult me by giving luck the credit, realize that I'm THAT good to make it look THIS easy.  
<3

*I was going to leave this on my Facebook page but decided to make it public.  This is something I love about myself.  My determination to make my life better. 

Tweets by @JackieMichele

A letter to my first born

*Below is a letter written to my daughter during my pregnancy with her sister.  There is so much that needs to be said to our children each day.  Sometimes, 24 hours isn't enough and things go unsaid.  I want nothing to be left unsaid with my kidlets (or as close to nothing as possible), so there will definitely be additions to this.


July 5, 2013

Dear Dori,
There is something I need you to know, but unfortunately, age is an issue right now.  You are seven years old and smart as a whip.  However, it does not mean you will understand these words.  I need you to understand.  
I love you.  Of course that is a typical thing for any mom to say, so let me elaborate.  Since I found out I was pregnant with you, you have been my life.  You are my light, my joy and the very reason I wake each morning.  You are my first and because of this you will always hold a special sacred place in my heart.
Life is constantly a big mess of changes.  Your little sister will be arriving soon.  You are growing up.  I am getting older.  No matter where you are or whatever challenges you face, remember the following:

1.  Never be ashamed of the person you are. 
2.  Love with your whole heart.
3.  Pay attention to my mistakes and do your best not to repeat them.
4.  Learning is a never ending journey.  If you have stopped learning; you have stopped living.
5.  Set a timer to remember your birth control.
6.  No matter what problem you are faced with, call me.
7.  Always look at Siobhan with love.
8.  Don't be afraid to spread your wings.
9.  Forgive your biological father.
10.  Always remember the people who love you.

You will lead an amazing life.  I am so sure of it.  I love you with all my heart.

Mom <3

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